Calls

When i was in my univ's library trying to complete the task which had deadline at 5.30pm 2days ago. I's even to lazy to start that. I was searching some life quote's that i taught could cheer me up to not always give up. Then I found this quote..

What i taught these days really confusing me. I always think what kind that I really want to do in life. I think if i don't like accounting (my majoring now), i have to change all, i have to manage well what should i do. BUT to determine ONE i can't. Too huge that i think, so I can't think where major I'm more. Ya, AFRAID is being of the people's weakness. Even i think it's not weakness, but mindset. If we set the mind to fail, so failed is the only one thing that we get. I'm always good in theory  

Since one year as kindergarten teacher, i just found out that i had my interest in children. Not only that, but my heart full of burden about what happening now in the generation. I think about how children can grow without their faith to the Creator, the children who lack of knowledge, poorness, backwardness and many things. I just found out too that i really like when i communicate with my students, waiting for their long-not always true- story, their expression, how they welcome me when i come in the morning to the school and hug me. Then to continue what i found out about myself, many thought passed the mind, many considerations, many counting about plus and minus. Should I? What will I do? Where do I start?

In the other way, I found out too my passion about how I have to expand the ministry especially for teenagers and youth. I browsed many things about how to do approaching to reach the youth . generation. Andddddd too, I remembered when City Harvest Church #batammission2014 gave challenge about whoever that wanted to answer the call and did the ministry and to expand the field of the church, i directly asnwered that calling. Even many disappoinments happen, i really didn't want to give up. I felt like i have a vision for a big breakthrough if i wanted to make stronger my heart and closed my ear for whatever people's would roarzz me.  

I've already discussed with some trusted and who understand about 'this'. And it's strengthen my soul that it's okay for me to go ahead with what i really like and do in life. I'm still counting my time till i finish my bachelor (a year left) and i really will decide after that. I think a fear is needed sometimes so I can always remember that i'm usual human and even cannot decide what's the best for myself, so I have to surround everything plan and desire to the Only One that can make wholely. I really do believe, what i fully trust and surround the thing into His hind, He will make a way for me and open all the ways. I have no opsi except believing. For you guys, that be in this condition, thought, or confusing a lot, maybe this can suggest you better :)

BHCF 2014

Attended the first event in Batam was Batam Holi Color Festival 2014 (June 22, 2014). Batam is the 2nd city where this event was held after Jakarta. When I was searching where this event firstly came from, I found that it was from India. Actually this event related with the religion tradition in India which most of people is Hindu. But when adopted by other, it' just become event for fun.
Came with my #highschoolneverends mates after gathered in Cheno's house first, include mba Yan, Teo Fenny, and new friend, Christin. So, BHCF 2014 was located in Mega Wisata Ocarina, Batam

When still in clean condition

I saw many people that attended this event. From my perspective, some of people wanna to really make fun, some of people just curious with what kind of this event.

Met our MUA-friend, Sele

Met our senior, Rapper Batamhood, Jacob

Met our Amel, still so clean

Crazy buddies

Met our k-pop fans, Derry

Lovesss!

New Friend, Rini

New Friend, Christin

Genk ko Raykal's car

When the music played on

Lovesssss!

Look like little reunion of High School

Just met some of univ's friend, COG Familu, high school's mates, junior and senior, new friend that noticed me as the girl who lucky 200k Rupiah hahahahah it's Sumon Tan, Cheno's fellas.

Totally fun for me, not because the event, cos the time that I spent with..

Not Lil Anymore

I remember the past. At that time I prayed to God while stroking my mom's tum. Praying sincerely as the child prayed asking something. I did everyday. One thing I asked. I wanted brother so much. I think that the first time when I really had faith in God. Even doctor said it's impossible and opposite with what we expected, but when God intervented, everything would happened according His will.

Yay! June 22 my brother turned 14! I couldn't describe how I am happy to see him grow up and now being not-my-little-brother-anymore. So in the morning, sisters had planning to make him surprise with his church friends in Teen Service. But because too sudden, we changed the plan. We asked our mom to cook something while we messaged some of his church close friend to giving surprise. 

Around 7pm, i arrived home lately after buying a cake. He had already known that we gonna made 'thankgiving'. After some friends gathered, my mom opened with a prayed. Next, i was talking about how we struggled about him since he still inside tum. Continue by impression and testimony from some his friends like Rachel, Putra, Abby, Joji, and Aldo. My boy too sang a song as his thankgiving to God. We couldn't too loud at that time that made us bridled. My neighbor had an event at the same time. We moved inside the house and just let He made a wish

One of my sister still hadn't back at that time while my dad was so in his tiredness. But had so much fun, some gifts and messages were really got attention from him. How i wish he grow better, full of love, God and people and make a good role in his way, Amen

All i wish Happy Always and God bless you! 

I was typing the post. Then i deleted it.
I didn't know. I feel i'm too tired. Or I less have motivation.
I'm too routine, I'm weak and I'm not too tight to look for power.
I'm nauseated and I just want to cry..

Spare

These two years is the most up-est and down-est feelings. I even can't describe well how the feelings are. I can say that i'm trying for learning, really, for understanding everything. But there are two sides of myself that each always speaks. It makes me dilemma, often.

Till now, i still don't understand with some angriness cases. I'll understand if i know the cause. The problem is i was trying to find out 'the causes' and still not found out and can't handle the angriness. Feeling full of nausated. Especially for who trying so hard to put me in hardest situation. For some, pretend having a good heart, holy in a person, and know rightness. But what's the point to prove that? Theory just theory without the practical/implementation. Can i make it the same level with -bullshit?

Thanks for how my self-character react for handling in some times. The typical of saingunist, that loving among in many people, make some crowded with the loud voice, and always forgetful for everything, -makes i can live my life easier. Even for the badness will happen when i'm alone. I really bad in aloness.

Next, what the positive is just i become stronger. I'm learning to take positive side and think how the creator plans for me through these. Even, it's not always smooth, because i'm too humanist. I learn for many character and expression from people. YES, i think i have to study psychology!! Good idea!!!

The other thinking is that the culture here is really made me depressed. How people give reaction for the other, how people really want to involve in a-person-privacy, and how can my business be your business! what a shitty! What i want to do is moving to Europe or America where my business are my business and even you don't have any rights to comment. Where judgment are exist in 'green-table', i mean court not by people that even don't know how handle theirselves' life. How poor!

Again, i'm in fire for having willingness to treat other people not like people in usual treat me How big deal i promise *RAISE THE FLAG IN MY HAND* too cruel and too hurt, i enough for feeling that. And how i promise to do better and even the best, not for proving myself to them, but to build myself better and even the best, for develop myself especially character. My dad said "It's easy to reach the top, but the thing that make you exist in top is the character" I agree that without good character, it's impossible to make you in the top. And i believe too 'as hard as the exam you'll face, you stand for higher level'

Puzzle character

The dark side of someone can easily out when the weakness catches it out. And when it happens, with what I can control?

And even after the theory i've received and understood easily, well, in practical it's not easy as the theory. And i found myself lost in much things. I even couldn't control, and what do i learned for?
Then, i found outside there, it happened to them and i think it's so humane. Then i continued with much mad that accidentally often i showed off. Really..
But for some times, i felt bored, i felt unluck, i felt empty if i kept with my own ego. How bad..

Always there's the other side of my heart that remind me. It's so luck on me. Remind me for back, remind for a better feeling and soulness, remind me what good things for, about what the positive, and what the faith should be. 

I realize i'm still young and often feel confused to determine heart and principle in life. I need some time to really really manage my heart. 
For itself, sometime i went outside for new refreshing and input and here's the last year when i joined Hillsong Concert in Batam and IT'S ROOKIE AND FULL JAMMING! HOW CAN I REPEAT AGAIN THIS MOMENT HUH?

The concert was held in GBI Tabgha

Add caption

JAMMING team!

We had 2 days for it. AND CAN BRING ME BACK NOW PLEASE..

Happy Past

The decision that I made sometimes because there's no a reason for it. We don't need always reason in life, often we have to let it flow and feel the senses. I'm too kinda person of it and I'm very glad that I'm happy with that. People say "Life is simple", often we have to make that be our principle for facing life that in truth is not simple anymore. If we think too much about how cruel how hard how complicated, you know, it never in its ends. That's why I'm looking for my happiness with my ways, people shouldn't judge me by those, because those are my ways. Each of us has our ways, so just appreciate others'.

I'm in the mid of what-people-say 'labil', too easy be happy, too easy be sad. I'm being unconsistent which one should I put as my commit? It just what is my mind, well, we can't determine which one should be ours, because life is not always like what we want. Life is full of surprised. We never know what will happen even one second later. Things for what we unexpected that may happen, not our will. So, how should we face every things? Because we know not all people that always be ready for condition like this. Sometime, life will be easier if when do not have obsession or something that we really want to be reached and let the life flows like die fish that follow the water flow.

Life even be hardest things even done by people who we expect do not do 'thing'. What should i react toward this? It's confusing me a lot these days. Should I pretend nothing happen, or show that 'ENOUGH' with all you've done. Ahhh.. how could it be I am now
Often, past makes the complicated life look not too complicated. Remind, there's hope or happiness that may happen in future. So, i'm sharing my community even last year on October. It's yay!

This was the last day in the morning before we had session 3

Trying to make that spirkling #it'sfailed

Lovable family

This was our theme for 2013, and yes, I'm amen it!

P&W team for the last session, session 3

Singer, we sing for Him

Just see, when the atmosphere was down and touched everyone

And when excitement couldn't be handled anymore

We party crazily!

Me and koDen led the motion

And here he was! My favourite youth-preacher, koAndre 

Even i couldn't could much happiness in it

#ChristIsEnough

We needed walking for lunch and dinner

So here where we were taking lunch

The first, divided into group

Samuel group, our ambition was always to be win

ENDING!!!

ENDING! LOVE MY COMMUNITY!

See, it helps me better feeling. Have a good day, fellas! ^.^