I was typing the post. Then i deleted it.
I didn't know. I feel i'm too tired. Or I less have motivation.
I'm too routine, I'm weak and I'm not too tight to look for power.
I'm nauseated and I just want to cry..

Spare

These two years is the most up-est and down-est feelings. I even can't describe well how the feelings are. I can say that i'm trying for learning, really, for understanding everything. But there are two sides of myself that each always speaks. It makes me dilemma, often.

Till now, i still don't understand with some angriness cases. I'll understand if i know the cause. The problem is i was trying to find out 'the causes' and still not found out and can't handle the angriness. Feeling full of nausated. Especially for who trying so hard to put me in hardest situation. For some, pretend having a good heart, holy in a person, and know rightness. But what's the point to prove that? Theory just theory without the practical/implementation. Can i make it the same level with -bullshit?

Thanks for how my self-character react for handling in some times. The typical of saingunist, that loving among in many people, make some crowded with the loud voice, and always forgetful for everything, -makes i can live my life easier. Even for the badness will happen when i'm alone. I really bad in aloness.

Next, what the positive is just i become stronger. I'm learning to take positive side and think how the creator plans for me through these. Even, it's not always smooth, because i'm too humanist. I learn for many character and expression from people. YES, i think i have to study psychology!! Good idea!!!

The other thinking is that the culture here is really made me depressed. How people give reaction for the other, how people really want to involve in a-person-privacy, and how can my business be your business! what a shitty! What i want to do is moving to Europe or America where my business are my business and even you don't have any rights to comment. Where judgment are exist in 'green-table', i mean court not by people that even don't know how handle theirselves' life. How poor!

Again, i'm in fire for having willingness to treat other people not like people in usual treat me How big deal i promise *RAISE THE FLAG IN MY HAND* too cruel and too hurt, i enough for feeling that. And how i promise to do better and even the best, not for proving myself to them, but to build myself better and even the best, for develop myself especially character. My dad said "It's easy to reach the top, but the thing that make you exist in top is the character" I agree that without good character, it's impossible to make you in the top. And i believe too 'as hard as the exam you'll face, you stand for higher level'